As I plunge once more into the second draft of Proxy, I find myself forgetting what I've learned about being a writing creature.
1. If you write late at night, you will get up late the next day. It is inevitable.
a.) Saying that you slept in over "nothing" is not true, either. You were
working.
b.) Working in the afternoon/early evening is always the best time to write.
And sometimes you must forgo that to spend time with family and fulfill
obligations, which is nothing to feel guilty about.
2. Even if no one ever reads your book, YOU HAVE STILL CREATED
SOMETHING. Something that wouldn't have existed without you, Nee-chan.
3. Dear God, let someone read your book. It will be okay, even if they hate it.
You need people and people need you.
With that said, to the Microsoft Word, Batman! I have thousands of words still to write!
Thursday, July 12
Tuesday, July 10
Today, I came to the following conclusion...
I make things that are not weird... weird. Seriously. It's a problem.
Tuesday, July 3
Weak
I still have a Thoughts From Saturday post to formulate (Storm seeking!), but I am just so angry and frustrated right now, I have to get it out before I aim it at the innocent.
I am so completely beyond tired of people who use Jesus as a way to get what they want under the guise of trying to seek a real relationship with him. Who use Jesus to guilt people into giving them the kind of help that they want. Who parade their shambles of faith as if that makes them better than the people they seek to harm. Who do their best to make other peoples' lives about them and their conflicts and their struggles and their needs, as if their concerns are the only ones that matter.
Do you really have no concept of what sharing life means? Do you really not understand that not everything is about you? Jesus didn't die so that you'd never have to lift a finger again, so that life would become an easy path with a predictable finish. He died so that you would serve, so that you, like him, would go to the dark places and offer a little of your light. So that you would stop thinking in terms of ME, ME, ME and think in terms of HIM, HIM, HIM.
If you can honestly say such things without a trace of regret or just a moment's pause, I really don't know who you are at all. I find peace in the fact that God does. If all you are looking for is to be filled by your definitions of what spiritual is, then you will never be happy here.
It hurts my heart to see you so carelessly rip apart the people who have loved you when no one else would, who have done their best to strengthen and uphold you despite the things you've done. But I shouldn't be surprised and I shouldn't complain. My life is meant to be lived as conduit from Jesus to the people that need him, and sometimes, that means getting out of the way.
I really hope you find what you are looking for because I know that I cannot be the one to offer you what you want. But I'll always be here to offer you what you need when you are ready to accept it.
I am so completely beyond tired of people who use Jesus as a way to get what they want under the guise of trying to seek a real relationship with him. Who use Jesus to guilt people into giving them the kind of help that they want. Who parade their shambles of faith as if that makes them better than the people they seek to harm. Who do their best to make other peoples' lives about them and their conflicts and their struggles and their needs, as if their concerns are the only ones that matter.
Do you really have no concept of what sharing life means? Do you really not understand that not everything is about you? Jesus didn't die so that you'd never have to lift a finger again, so that life would become an easy path with a predictable finish. He died so that you would serve, so that you, like him, would go to the dark places and offer a little of your light. So that you would stop thinking in terms of ME, ME, ME and think in terms of HIM, HIM, HIM.
If you can honestly say such things without a trace of regret or just a moment's pause, I really don't know who you are at all. I find peace in the fact that God does. If all you are looking for is to be filled by your definitions of what spiritual is, then you will never be happy here.
It hurts my heart to see you so carelessly rip apart the people who have loved you when no one else would, who have done their best to strengthen and uphold you despite the things you've done. But I shouldn't be surprised and I shouldn't complain. My life is meant to be lived as conduit from Jesus to the people that need him, and sometimes, that means getting out of the way.
I really hope you find what you are looking for because I know that I cannot be the one to offer you what you want. But I'll always be here to offer you what you need when you are ready to accept it.
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