Me? Published?

A friend recently asked me how NaNoWriMo went, and when I told him that I had won, that my story was finished, he beamed at me. "So, when are you getting it published?" he asked, his face quite serious, which helped me realize, seconds later, that he was not in fact joking as I had imagined.

I consider him an extremely knowledgeable man. He knows people who have been published and he certainly understands the entire process more than I do (as a child, I believed, and as an adult, I wished, that publication was some sort of magical thing that just happened to your book, suddenly and inexplicably).

And I could not help but feel completely embarrassed.

As I tried to explain how I was now delving into the editing process, throwing in a bit about the Amazon writing contest I hope to enter in January of 2011, I blushed and squirmed at the startling thought that came with his words.

I never expected anyone to actually read my book and enjoy it. I wrote it for myself, dreaming of the day, in the distant, far off, you-have-to-shout-to-be-heard future when it might maybe hopefully be published, so that others can take the same journey that I've taken with the curious Pennamin, delving into my land of Ilikarr themselves. No one I know has read more than a small, insignificant portion of the story, and now that I'm on the precipice of this, throwing my book to the world and watching it be adored loving fans or devoured by angry masses, I am reluctant to discover that I am frightened. Very frightened.

But what struck me, what reverberated through my brain, resounding even now, was his utmost confidence in me and the pride in his voice, as if he knew what I did not. That there was no possible way that I could fail in achieving my goal.

It made me want to work harder.

So now that classes are drawing to a close, you may see me, sitting on a park bench somewhere, hiding behind a massive green binder, and scribbling like the maniacal authoress I aspire to be.

Thanks, Pete. That was so the kick in the pants I needed.

About That Paper...

Yeah, I nailed it. Got an A on the paper, and an A in the class. Just goes to show you that with a little energy and late nights (aka early mornings), you too can write a paper that was meant to take you 2 months to create in just 5 days! :D

As I knew it would (of course), though the energy has not left me from NaNoWriMo, the creeping doubts have returned. The onslaught of people I know who were cheering me on during November want to read my novel. As in, they actually say they're excited and when will I be getting that proof copy? (like, seriously? What's up with that?)

My mind is having no part of that, saying things like:

"No one wants to read this."
"Everything worth writing has already been written."
"You're kidding yourself."
"This story SUCKS."

At which point, I take a deep breath, eat a piece of chocolate, and keep editing. I thought it would be easier when the story was finished, and I'm in no way complaining that it's done. It's just that a new set of problems have surfaced, completely alien to the first.

BOO.

Oh the NaNoness of me!

So winning NaNoWriMo has given me this incredible energy. Not physically, unfortunately (my back hurts like the Dickens), but more in my mind, as if I could jump off a 30-story building and land on my feet if I wanted to (I wouldn't). Or enter my novel in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Contest and win (haha). Or write a 10-page research paper I was supposed to write over the course of 2 months in the next week.

Aah, NaNoWriMo, you've opened the doors to so much lucrative fantasy... :)

NaNoWriMo Log, Day 28 & 29

Day 28
I wrote the daily word count goal and I tried to write extra, but I spent most of the day with family and at Haley's birthday party, so that didn't really work out at all, which sucked.

Day 29
I WON NANOWRIMO! I herald my victory far and wide! I wrote tonight a shocking and exemplary 3300 words (after seeing Tangled, which turned out to be great inspiration) to soar across the finish line around 3am. I am glowing with excitement! :)