Again With The Writing of the Words!

So, this marks the second day I have written down stuff. Boo-yah! A pathetic two-day streak is born!

Today, I woke up with a hell of a stomach ache. I slept late, had a sinus headache, and felt nauseous for my first two waking hours. Not a great start to the day. But my mother, the kind, generous soul that she is, bought me a fountain Pepsi and Chinese food, which was one of the few things that sounded good to my fussy stomach. The Singapore Chow Mei Fun is enough to last my entire work week and the two crab rangoon that I ate... ah, c'est magnifique. Seriously. I have the best mom.

I did  have to clean the roaches off the floor at church and work downstairs, so that was a damper on the start of my work day. Nauseous stomach + dead roaches = BARF. So glad I kept from getting sick. That would have sucked majorly.

I got a sweet 43 Things reminder for myself about my goal 'have someone fall in love with me' (which sparked a hilarious conversation with Lauren later - "They need to do all the work, I see. You just sit there and they come to you."). The Thought is still thought, but today, I actually didn't mind it so much. It was kind of nice to just let things be and not fight it.

I missed Courtney today, and strangely, Rebekah and Anna. It's strange to see someone every day on vacation and then not at all for days at a time. I haven't seen any of them since Sunday. Weird.

I got quite a bit of work done and Common-Unity is slowly but surely coming to life around us. Lots more people are around the church and we have more volunteers when the time comes for things to get done. It's nice to see.

I'm trying not to focus too much on the fall semester and just enjoy my break for the summer, the first summer since I started college where I won't have a class. It's very nice. It's just hard to relax when I think of my internship, my future niece/nephew, taking over for Courtney while she's on maternity leave, how my IBS will affect school and work, if I'll still be thinking the Thought. Oh, and Django Unchained. I totes want to see that. I also wish that the Lizzie Bennet diaries just updated every time I wanted them to. Because now it would be finished and I would be watching it through to the end. Ah. Such a good web series.

Wow, some of this is super bad writing. But... I am tired and too lazy for anything but brevity (she says, after several long-winded paragraphs of nothingness). And a woman of questionable health. So nyah.

Don't really know what to call this...

... But this is me, trying to get back to writing every day, even if it is just a sum of my thoughts about the wild happenings of my day to day life this summer. Oh, sarcasm. May you flow forthwith.

Thoughts From Saturdays will hopefully continue. I like to think that I'll be going to Saturday church a lot more in the future, but with that Still-Thought Thought and health issues, it may prove to be difficult. Still, I like going to overhear the discussion - it really gives definition to my spiritual life. It gives me time to stop and ponder parts of the Bible I may have glossed over in my furious attempt to read the entire Bible (3/4 of the way there, baby).

I honestly don't know where to begin. I had a doctor's appointment today. Blah, standard, I know. Not really newsworthy. But turns out I have IBS, a totally lame and kinda embarrassing affliction that I will get to enjoy for the rest of my natural life. It was hard to just hear my doctor (and when I say doctor, I mean specialist, because, Good Lord, what we had to go through to find the wonderful Dr. Lewis and the pill that is currently allowing me to function) say it so bluntly. As I right this, I am experiencing a delightful "flare-up" from God knows what, and as I'm sure you can tell, I'm really happy about it.

It is hard to feel anything but bitter about this and at the same time, I recognize my entire selfishness and piss-poor, bitchy attitude about it. I mean, I survived ADE, asthma, eczema, swine flu and bronchitis simultaneously, depression, Von Willebrand's disease, mono, allergies, tonsilitis. Just add IBS to the list and move on... I just can't help but feel a teeny, tiny bit like the life I knew before, however annoying and trivial it was, is gone. I no longer get to enjoy food. It is now my enemy. If I could survive without eating, I would. I no longer get to do things like swinging on swings, running, exercising vigorously, swimming, etc. because as soon as I do, my stomach begins to act like a too-full balloon that is being stepped on by a robust and bratty child trying to pop it.

But still. My life could be so much worse! Everyone could hate me. I could be a high school dropout. I could have been wildly disfigured in the car accident I caused. I could have gone to jail because of said car accident. I could have terribly mean and authoritarian parents who do not let me live in their house for 100 bucks a month. I could have no friends. I could have no bed to sleep on, no shower to use, no water to drink, no clothes to wear, and no food to eat, no matter how much havoc that food may cause inside my poor excuse for a digestive system. It could be WAY worse.

People could know about the Thought I have thought and now cannot Unthink. That would be pretty bad. At least for me. It might be enjoyable for some people. Some, dare I say, may find it hilarious. Probably as funny as I would find it if I could just. Stop. Thinking. It. Seriously, any day now, brain, you will grow up and learn to discard stuff like that immediately.

Clearly, I am in a bad mood. Clearly, I need sleep. Clearly, I should stop reading Fruits Basket and my terrible novel and stop watching The Lizzie Bennet diaries and old VlogBrothers videos I missed and stop writing whiny, self-indulgent drivel on my blog that no one reads and go to bed.